It’s that time again for me to answer all your questions! Let’s see what the grab bag has today!
Q: Didn’t this website used to be funny?
A: Uh, yeah. We’re getting back to that…
Q: If Jesus and Superman got into a fistfight, who would win?
A: I take a certain offense to your question. Why only the titans of Christianity and DC? Would not a fight between Spider-Man and Moses be worth equal consideration? Perhaps you have something against Marvel or Judaism? Though, to be honest, Jesus was Jewish and many of the greatest superheroes were invented by those of the Jewish faith, including Superman. So to be honest, even in your original question we are assured some hot Jew-on-Jew action.
But I don’t think that Jesus and Superman would find each other kindred souls and go on adventures. Both recently free from abusive relationships (Lois Lane got a kryptonite ring for the sole purpose of using it during spousal abuse), the two would steal a convertible and make a run across the heartland of America, evading cops at every turn while getting to know truths about each other and ultimately themselves. It would be a heartwarming television series full of emotions, feelings, transubstantiation, and turning back time by circling the globe in both a non-canonical and affront-to-the-laws-of-physics manner.
Let’s be honest, though. Fox would cancel it after one season.
Q: Why don’t we have lasers yet?
A: We haven’t made it far enough up the tech tree.
Q: What do you think of the current gulf catastrophe with BP?
A: I believe that they have unwittingly opened a gate to places man was not meant to touch, and now that it has been opened it cannot be closed. It will continue to spew pure darkness out upon our unsuspecting world, with the full effects not visible for many years to come.
Actually, I haven’t really kept up with it or know all the facts. I am disappointed that I missed out on an opportunity to pee on buildings for a good cause.
And that’s it for this week! Remember to email your questions to askdamnedlies@damnedliesproject.com!
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